What’s the Difference Between Good and Great Leadership?

“A leader is not a leader if no one is following him.  He’s just taking a walk.”

Ever wonder what separates a good leader from a great one?  Emotional intelligence.

Leaders have a handful of traits that most of us agree but none of them differentiate good leaders from great leaders. All leaders are experts in their line of work, may inspire others to excel at their jobs, or motivate teams to action. 

However leaders that score high in emotional intelligence, are much more. We could a write books on this topic, and many have. So consider this a high level introduction to four key competencies high EQ leaders have, and how to identify them.

1. Self – Awareness.  EQ leaders are aware of, discern and navigate their emotions and the feelings that arise as part of her day to day life.  She is able to understand how she is received by others, and how her own feelings can be triggered by situations and others behaviors and choices.  She does not shut down feelings, or try to control them. 
   1. I’ve seen many an angry outburst in my day and it often has the opposite effect intended.  Rather than putting someone in their place, the attention shifts to the guy who couldn’t control his emotions.  He loses respect, though is often forgiven, and his point may or may not have crossed the Finish line.
   2. High self-awareness begins with honesty and acceptance of the circumstances.  As leaders, there is a lot you face that you don’t like.  Good news!  You don’t have to like it.  But to begin building the capacity for self-awareness, you face the facts of both your circumstances and the feelings that arise.  Self-awareness brings you information both intellectually and emotionally that are each vital to the EQ leader.

1. Self – Management.  An EQ leader is able to manage their own emotions that enables them to be a helpful participant in dialog.  Whether it’s at the UN conference, or in a side conversation, they have an intimate relationship with their own feelings, can identify them, and quickly discern the information they have for them.  They do not suppress them, however, when they express them, it always supports the group’s larger purpose.
   1.  I remember being in a board room when the Chief Sales Officer reported that he wouldn’t be selling anything that year.  The energy in the room grew tense.  After all, no sales, no business. No business, no company.  The CEO listened to what the CSO had to say, allowed the information to settle in the quiet room, and then with a light hearted tone and a little laughter, said, “I don’t about you all but this doesn’t sound good to me.  I’ve never known a company to stay in business when they don’t sell anything.”  He then asked his team what they thought and discussion to resolve the CSO’s concerns began. 
   2. NOTE:  Self- Management is not the same as self-control.  Self- control tends to be an act of withholding an emotion, or an urgency to act.  While that can be part of self-management, it is not all of it.  Self-Management is the capacity to navigate emotions of all varieties, and use them as resource of needed information providing additional considerations to assist decision making.

1. Social Management.  Not only can an EQ leader understand their own emotions and how they are received by others, they have the ability to understand others feelings and discern the collective feelings among the group for the highest and best outcome.   Social management is an art and not a science.  Using empathy as her guide, an EQ leader meets her team, peers and colleagues where they are and gives of herself in a way that others identify and respect.  She has an uncanny ability to draw ideas and opinions from others that may not be heard otherwise.  This approach results in a discussion rich in possibilities and a solution that is much better than for the overall organization.  Rather than seeking buy-in to a specific idea, she focuses on facilitating a discussion based on the perspectives and opinion of her team.  She inspires and motivates an action or plan in a way the group sees it as a collective brainstorm and solution, whether it was or not.
   1. The speed of innovation is exponential in some circles.  The critical success factor for businesses will not be owning and delivering on the best ideas.  Because great ideas are out there for the taking.  But like mining for diamonds, the key is in learning how to access the best ideas.  Strong social managers can make you rich.
   2. Side NOTE:  Some people confuse social management with empathy.  Others go so far to decide that EQ is nothing more than empathy.  While it’s importance can’t be understated, empathy is one of several components of an emotionally intelligent leader.  By itself, empathy has so many aspects, values, and applications, that I’ll address it in a later article all to itself.

1. Relationship Management. A high EQ leader knows that his greatest asset are his relationships.  The ones he has, and the ones he will have.  He knows that people drive results in a company, and that emotions drive people. He invests time in getting to know what motivates and inspires others.  This is how he learns what activates motivation and passion.  He uses this knowledge, not for his own selfish gain. Instead, he uses it to inform his decisions and the decisions of his team to align people within roles and areas of business that help everyone thrive.
   1. Relationship Management is also a compilation of the first three core characteristics mentioned above.  Investing in relationships would be nothing if a leader didn’t have self-awareness, or the ability to manage his feelings and read others in a group.  This is why phone calls, lunch, and a rolodex don’t make an emotionally intelligent leader. 
   2. EQ leaders high in this competency, nurture trust among their team.  By fostering trust through individual and group acknowledgement, and creating opportunities for each member to use their talents for the betterment of the company, the team develops cohesion of collaboration and able to work toward a common goal.
   3. Speaking of common goals – you have to have one!  Companies thrive when there is a vision that is never attainable but worth striving for.  When people aren’t aligned by common goals they aren’t able to organize and collaborate.  This is not an example of great relationship management.  Rather, there are most likely other systemic challenges in the organization that need to be addressed to enable relationship management to do its magic.

Interested in exploring your own emotional intelligence? Commit to doing one or all of the following this week:

1. Reflecting on this article, identify descriptions and examples that you relate to or identify. Write down a similar story or memory and describe the feelings, choices, and behaviors that you experienced.
2. Select one of the four areas of EQ described above and commit to learning more. Checkout my sites for more suggestions.
3. When talking with a coworker this week, be aware of feelings that come up for you and jot them down. Also, ask yourself during the conversation, “How is my coworker feeling and how does it impact our conversation?”

Lastly, report back in the chat with comments and questions. Be well!