What is Self-Awareness?

Search “Emotional Intelligence” on the internet and you will find a plethora of statistics tying higher EQ to better profit margins for companies, greater achievements for leaders, and better personal satisfaction in individuals. 

It begins with self-awareness.

Daniel Goldman, in his book Emotional Intelligence, describes self-awareness as, “the ability to understand your own emotions and their effects on your performance. You know what you are feeling and why – and how it helps or hurts what you are trying to do.”

Self-awareness is key for strong leaders.  Without it, I lose clarity of the true nature of a situation.  My perspective becomes cloudy because I’m usually thinking a little too much of what others think of me, and not enough about what I can contribute to others.  Clarity is a key component to making good decisions.  Leaders who make good decisions, drive good results. Good results, means more success for businesses, and happier people.

Consider some of the benefits.

Sense of Self.  Self-awareness helps you create new experience with yourself… a supportive one. Having a healthy sense of self is understanding the positive and “not-so” positive aspects of your character.  Then loving yourself anyway.

Boost in Confidence.  Becoming aware of your feelings and digging deep to explore the fears that drive them, can shed light on what is really going on inside you, not what you imagine.  People with confidence are naturally more attractive leaders.

Love note:  FEAR, in my book, is an acronym for False Events Appearing Real.  97% of what we worry about doesn’t come true, so don’t bother with solving problems that don’t exist. 😊

More Choices. When I connect to what I’m really feeling, I discover what really matters to me.  When that happens, I begin consciously choosing to act in ways that support my values.  The result?  A manifestation of an amazing life!.. more on that another day.

Where to begin?

  • Start where you are. You can’t “be” anywhere or anyone but who you are here and now.  Self-awareness begins with an honest self-assessment.  Check out my previous blog posts on New Year’s resolutions for more suggestions on how to go about this process. 
  • Find what works.  You will likely discover characteristics in yourself that put a kick in your step and bring a boost of joy or happiness to your heart.  Keep them up!  Fear, uncertainty and doubt?  Ask yourself why you have those feelings and be aware when they appear in your relationships.
  • Keep your mouth closed.  Not really, well, not exactly.  When feelings of anger, frustration, even excitement arise, and you feel like you HAVE to react… don’t.  Just watch instead.  Watch the event or person’s behavior that triggered those feelings and see what happens.  Observe with a curious mind and pay attention to your feelings. 

Remember, self-awareness, like yoga, is a practice. As humans we are imperfectly imperfect by nature. Be well!

Do Women Have Higher Emotional Intelligence Than Men?

Welcome to the battle of the sexes! For centuries we humans have gotten a delicious pleasure by partnering with our fellow sex to compete for superiority against the opposition. So it should be no surprise that when it comes to emotional intelligence, I am often asked which sex is more emotionally intelligent. I will also mention, that when I respond with, “What do you think?” My own survey results from men and women alike suggest women are the winners.

Don’t celebrate yet, ladies! As much as I am on your side, the real answer is, it’s complicated.

Women are perceived, and view themselves, as being more empathetic, honest in business, kind, and intuitive to the needs of individuals and groups. These traits are associated with strong leadership values recognized by high performing companies. The Athena Doctrine, one of my favorite books, offers fascinating research on this topic. After meeting with hundreds of companies across the world, they learned that traits often associated as “feminine” help us adapt with much more ease to the fast paced changes of our world today.

“The Athena Doctrine” shows why femininity is the operating system of 21st century prosperity: Leadership: values traditionally associated with women create more effective leadership and organizational strategies in today’s society. Career management and self-improvement traits associated with women–flexibility, empathy, and honesty–underpin career mobility and personal fulfillment. Change management: feminine traits help us adapt seamlessly and effectively to today’s changes.

The Athena Doctrine: How Women (and the Men Who Think Like Them) Will Rule the Future by John Gerzema (goodreads.com)

On the EQ scale, women trend higher in empathy than men. As a skill, people who score high in empathy also show higher sales volumes than their peers as well as higher leadership potential in their organizations. This is a great way to strengthen relationships, a key requirement in both sales and leadership.

That solves it! Right? No.

While empathy is often used to describe emotional intelligence, it doesn’t stand by itself. Empathy is just one piece of the social management component which in itself makes up only 25% of the core areas measured to gauge a person’s emotional intelligence. It is one piece of the complex system that makes up an emotionally intelligent leader.

Empathy is a part of emotional intelligence. Empathy does NOT equal emotional intelligence.

Cate Dalton

Just consider the woman who is high in empathy and is able to show caring and concern for others, but lacks optimism, or is unable to objectively navigate emotions. A woman I know scores in empathy. She so easily identifies with other people and where they are coming from, that she finds herself confused in how best to support her friends. “I feel for them. This is just awful.” She would tell me. “What should I do?” Because my friend lacks optimism, her perspective of others situation was often, less than good. She also lacks the ability to identify, understand and navigate her emotions and the emotions of others. When this happens, the “intelligence” of “emotional intelligence” goes out the window and she finds herself “people pleasing” instead of leading, consulting, or advising.

Empathy is key to the third set of competencies, Social Management, of emotional intelligence. Critical to social management is the first set of competencies, Self-Awareness. Identifying emotions, navigating emotions, and building a strong self awareness results in the confidence strong leaders need to communicate a shared vision, enable collaboration, and motivate others to positive action.

While empathy does not appear to be the strong suit of men, confidence and self assurance is. These competencies are just as valuable when measuring emotional intelligence and men score higher in these areas. Men are shown to represent themselves and their businesses with a level of confidence that builds trust with prospects, customers, and teams they work with.

Score a point for men!

Does this mean men are never scared? Are you kidding? Any woman who lives with men knows they face fear like the rest of us. It is their ability to use logic when assessing their fears that give them an advantage.

And the tie breaker? There isn’t one. Assessments show that while these traits trend with one sex or the other, this doesn’t mean men don’t score high in empathy, and women can’t navigate their emotions like the best.

The question of which gender is more emotionally intelligent speaks to a deeper topic, the conscious and unconscious biases we hold about men and women.

Cate Dalton

For centuries, societal beliefs have shaped how we view the role and value of the sexes. These beliefs become biases when we begin to make assumptions about someone because of their sex. Biases can lead to prejudices against others, which can result in inequalities among demographics. Emotional intelligence is not related to nor solves the gender bias issues. However, emotionally intelligent leaders of BOTH sexes have the skillsets to help societies and organizations overcome those biases.

Though research shows patterns in varying strengths among EQ traits in men and women, I caution each of us not to fall into a bias trap. Some of my favorite male mentors have an advanced level of empathy both emotionally and cognitively. I have female friends who, through great practice in self-awareness, are free from self-limiting beliefs and express confidence that is enviable.

Gender bias in the workplace is a very real problem we continue to face today. It takes both male and female leaders, high in emotional intelligence, to realize inclusion and equality.

Emotional Intelligence is a set of competencies that can be strengthened through a commitment to self-awareness and understanding how emotions affect people and relationships, and learning to mange relationships with consideration of the power emotions have over people.

What is your level of EQ today? Check out the Harvard Division of Continuing Education’s four favorite EQ Assessments and find out!

What’s the Difference Between Good and Great Leadership?

“A leader is not a leader if no one is following him.  He’s just taking a walk.”

Ever wonder what separates a good leader from a great one?  Emotional intelligence.

Leaders have a handful of traits that most of us agree but none of them differentiate good leaders from great leaders. All leaders are experts in their line of work, may inspire others to excel at their jobs, or motivate teams to action. 

However leaders that score high in emotional intelligence, are much more. We could a write books on this topic, and many have. So consider this a high level introduction to four key competencies high EQ leaders have, and how to identify them.

  1. Self – Awareness.  EQ leaders are aware of, discern and navigate their emotions and the feelings that arise as part of her day to day life.  She is able to understand how she is received by others, and how her own feelings can be triggered by situations and others behaviors and choices.  She does not shut down feelings, or try to control them. 
    1. I’ve seen many an angry outburst in my day and it often has the opposite effect intended.  Rather than putting someone in their place, the attention shifts to the guy who couldn’t control his emotions.  He loses respect, though is often forgiven, and his point may or may not have crossed the Finish line.
    2. High self-awareness begins with honesty and acceptance of the circumstances.  As leaders, there is a lot you face that you don’t like.  Good news!  You don’t have to like it.  But to begin building the capacity for self-awareness, you face the facts of both your circumstances and the feelings that arise.  Self-awareness brings you information both intellectually and emotionally that are each vital to the EQ leader.
  1. Self – Management.  An EQ leader is able to manage their own emotions that enables them to be a helpful participant in dialog.  Whether it’s at the UN conference, or in a side conversation, they have an intimate relationship with their own feelings, can identify them, and quickly discern the information they have for them.  They do not suppress them, however, when they express them, it always supports the group’s larger purpose.
    1.  I remember being in a board room when the Chief Sales Officer reported that he wouldn’t be selling anything that year.  The energy in the room grew tense.  After all, no sales, no business. No business, no company.  The CEO listened to what the CSO had to say, allowed the information to settle in the quiet room, and then with a light hearted tone and a little laughter, said, “I don’t about you all but this doesn’t sound good to me.  I’ve never known a company to stay in business when they don’t sell anything.”  He then asked his team what they thought and discussion to resolve the CSO’s concerns began. 
    2. NOTE:  Self- Management is not the same as self-control.  Self- control tends to be an act of withholding an emotion, or an urgency to act.  While that can be part of self-management, it is not all of it.  Self-Management is the capacity to navigate emotions of all varieties, and use them as resource of needed information providing additional considerations to assist decision making.
  1. Social Management.  Not only can an EQ leader understand their own emotions and how they are received by others, they have the ability to understand others feelings and discern the collective feelings among the group for the highest and best outcome.   Social management is an art and not a science.  Using empathy as her guide, an EQ leader meets her team, peers and colleagues where they are and gives of herself in a way that others identify and respect.  She has an uncanny ability to draw ideas and opinions from others that may not be heard otherwise.  This approach results in a discussion rich in possibilities and a solution that is much better than for the overall organization.  Rather than seeking buy-in to a specific idea, she focuses on facilitating a discussion based on the perspectives and opinion of her team.  She inspires and motivates an action or plan in a way the group sees it as a collective brainstorm and solution, whether it was or not.
    1. The speed of innovation is exponential in some circles.  The critical success factor for businesses will not be owning and delivering on the best ideas.  Because great ideas are out there for the taking.  But like mining for diamonds, the key is in learning how to access the best ideas.  Strong social managers can make you rich.
    2. Side NOTE:  Some people confuse social management with empathy.  Others go so far to decide that EQ is nothing more than empathy.  While it’s importance can’t be understated, empathy is one of several components of an emotionally intelligent leader.  By itself, empathy has so many aspects, values, and applications, that I’ll address it in a later article all to itself.
  1. Relationship Management. A high EQ leader knows that his greatest asset are his relationships.  The ones he has, and the ones he will have.  He knows that people drive results in a company, and that emotions drive people. He invests time in getting to know what motivates and inspires others.  This is how he learns what activates motivation and passion.  He uses this knowledge, not for his own selfish gain. Instead, he uses it to inform his decisions and the decisions of his team to align people within roles and areas of business that help everyone thrive.
    1. Relationship Management is also a compilation of the first three core characteristics mentioned above.  Investing in relationships would be nothing if a leader didn’t have self-awareness, or the ability to manage his feelings and read others in a group.  This is why phone calls, lunch, and a rolodex don’t make an emotionally intelligent leader. 
    2. EQ leaders high in this competency, nurture trust among their team.  By fostering trust through individual and group acknowledgement, and creating opportunities for each member to use their talents for the betterment of the company, the team develops cohesion of collaboration and able to work toward a common goal.
    3. Speaking of common goals – you have to have one!  Companies thrive when there is a vision that is never attainable but worth striving for.  When people aren’t aligned by common goals they aren’t able to organize and collaborate.  This is not an example of great relationship management.  Rather, there are most likely other systemic challenges in the organization that need to be addressed to enable relationship management to do its magic.

Interested in exploring your own emotional intelligence? Commit to doing one or all of the following this week:

  1. Reflecting on this article, identify descriptions and examples that you relate to or identify. Write down a similar story or memory and describe the feelings, choices, and behaviors that you experienced.
  2. Select one of the four areas of EQ described above and commit to learning more. Checkout my sites for more suggestions.
  3. When talking with a coworker this week, be aware of feelings that come up for you and jot them down. Also, ask yourself during the conversation, “How is my coworker feeling and how does it impact our conversation?”

Lastly, report back in the chat with comments and questions. Be well!

How is Your Leadership? Look At Your Staff.

The BEST way to assess how you are performing as a transformational leader is to see who you work with and how your staff performs.

Being a transformational leader is about growing the people around you, and the people that report to you. The benefits of focusing on employee development through emotional intelligence is bountiful:

  • Exponential Performance Improvement. Emotions are contagious. When one individual begins performing to higher standards, others will either grow with them or ultimately, go. Taking time to coach an employee will spread across your teams and organizations.
  • Unity. A group made up of individuals who are in the right position with the right resources and support to get their job done..? Unstoppable!
  • Save Energy! Supporting our staff not only increases endorphins and self-esteem in a leader, it removes the stress and pressure we can sometimes take on with the “I have to do it all” mentality.

Check out this article from INC to understand what to look for in your teams when assessing your progress as a leader!

Be well!

How Are You Making A Difference?

A dear friend of mine sent me this quote in the middle of the night. It is a statement Martin Luther King, Jr. shared about the “structure of reality”:

“All I’m saying is simply this; that all life is interrelated, that somehow we’re caught in an inescapable network of mutuality tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. For some strange reason, I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.”

http://www2.oberlin.edu/external/EOG/BlackHistoryMonth/MLK/KingAutograph.html

How true it is. We are all part of a whole. I can’t be what I am meant to be without you. Authenticity is the key ingredient for me. As I live into me. You live into you. It grows. It expands in wonderful ways.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

In honor of a man who lived fully into what he believed and made an enormous impact on all Americans, I would like to take time to focus on on how we are contributing to making the world a better place.

What matters to you today? What are you doing about it?

What matters to me is you. The more we live into our authenticity in a spirit of mutual respect, kindness and love, the better we will all become. I have committed to this blog and supporting people to grow in self-awareness, empathy and relationship with one another.

How about you?

Need help getting started? Ask yourself these questions.

What did you love doing as a kid? Connecting with your passion is easy as a child. We don’t label things. We trust an internal compass that tells us we feel good or we don’t. What makes us feel good, is guidance to our passion and the gifts we have to share with others.

Who inspires you? Why? Martin Luther King, Jr. is an obvious choice today. However, I also encourage you to look closer to home. For example, I always look forward to talking with my Godfather.

  • He is positive, supportive, and chooses to see the good in life.
  • He respects all people regardless of heritage, history or lifestyle.
  • He is of service by sharing his passion for the outdoors acting as a guide for others on outdoor adventures.
  • He shares his photography for those that aren’t able to join him.
  • He always reminds me how my life is good, and I pass it forward.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.


Martin Luther King, Jr.

Love Note: To view Martin Luther King, Jr.’s famous “I have a dream” speech, click the link below.

Martin Luther King, Jr. “I Have a Dream” Speech

Be Well!

Does January Have You Down?

Hello, beautiful people! What an annoying statement if you, like 10 million other Americans, tend to be depressed in winter. There is a condition known as SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. It’s nothing to be taken lightly. I have been diagnosed with it myself. This blog is to share my experience, strength and hope for how I overcome it…. or at least get through it. 🙂

My dad called it “the Holiday Blues.” That time of year following days, weeks, even months of instant gratification. We ate, we drank, and we shopped. An escape from life’s responsibilities, if only for a bit. The glorious American way. Then, it was over. Like every year. The days are still short, winter is cold, and that job.. the one that enabled us to celebrate so much before? It’s back.. like, it expects US to go back.. and pay for the fun we had. ugh..

By now, you are mid way through the month, and hopefully, you’re leaning into the familiar routine called “your life.” For those that are still dragging a bit, I want to share what I do to move past this flat, dark, sad.. and definitely unmotivated time of year.

  • Write a Gratitude list. I know.. you’ve nothing to be grateful for, right? Nice try. Get out pen and paper (no laptop) and write a list of 15 things you appreciate in your life. There is ONE rule: you must be honest. If you’re not grateful for your annoying spouse, than don’t say, “my wife” or “husband.” Start with something you really are grateful for. Just do it.
  • Be of Service. I get it. The last thing I want to do when I’m busy feeling sorry for myself is to help someone else. Yet this is the #1 best way for me to get freedom from my depression. It takes the focus off of my international issues that have me miserable AND puts it on supporting someone else. Like going to the gym, every cell in body will push against this, but once I’m doing it, it’s not so bad.
  • Fake it. Thoughts are things. There are more quotes from modern blogs to ancient texts with the same message. What we believe, we become. So it actually helps to “pretend” you’re better than you are. Because you are.. better than you think you are.
  • Be nice to yourself. When we are feeling the pressures of life, we tend to be hard on ourselves. It doesn’t help. Scrutinizing your every thought and action only exacerbates the misery you’re trying to escape. Put the bat down, and give yourself some space to work your way back into life.

Love Note: Service doesn’t have to be a commitment to the local food bank.
This is NOT another New Year’s resolution. You are doing acts of kindness. It can be as simple as offering your partner, or co worker a glass of water.

Of course you can always pick up the New Year’s resolution we talked about not too long ago. Pull out the writing you did, or maybe just do the exercise, and review it. You may be surprised how it can lift your mood!

And lastly, remember you’re not alone! Email me for emotional support. 🙂

How Well Do You Know Yourself?

“I’ll tell you who I am, but I’ll show you the truth about me.”

This was shared with me by my dear friend, Anne. It stands today. If you’re like most humans, especially with a job, a relationship, or a life… you may relate to this. We all want to look good to our colleagues, customers, and definitely our bosses. So we share with them the parts of us that we believe will show our “best side.” But if your version of “looking good” doesn’t match who you are when no one’s watching… you may not be as convincing as you think. People see through us when we aren’t authentic. It’s a primal instinct.

You may believe that if they knew those habits and characteristics that aren’t as flattering, they would not stay around you for long. In reality you may not know yourself as well as others do. There is a way through! Self Awareness. And this article will get you started on the journey.

Why Do I Need to Know Myself?

When we have a better understanding of ourselves, we can motivate ourselves, manage our response to stress better, and connect to our intuitive decision making abilities. This helps us lead and motivate others more effectively. 

AND… you’re worth it.

I have lived most of my adult life in self examination. It is not a “one time” exercise. It’s a practice. You grow, relationships evolve, revolve, dissolve… and “life happens.” This changes each of us including our motivations, our stress tolerance, and how we make decisions. Just compare the 27 year old single male with his first job, to the same male, married with grandchildren at 72 having buried 3 siblings. Same man. VERY different perspectives. Life changes us.

How Do You Start?

Always, always, always start where you are. In this moment. Not where you came from or where you want to be. They’ll be time for that later. Write out responses to these questions.

Note: “Yes” and “No” never count as answers.

  • What situations do you feel your best? It could be a sense of confidence, or it could be feeling a part of the team you’re working with. What are you doing in those situations and what are you NOT doing that contribute to these positive feelings?
  • What situations do you feel your worst? When I get into situations where my input isn’t needed but I mistakenly think it is, I can get consumed by fear, uncertainty, and doubt. It doesn’t feel good, and it isn’t helpful to the people I’m with, which can quickly become a perpetuating cycle. What are you doing in those situations? What do you do to feel better? (Hint: We all do something. People don’t like pain.) Does what you do help or hurt the situation?
  • What do you have that you are afraid of losing? It could be a person, a community, a job, a salary, a quality of life, dig deep and be thorough.
  • What do you think you need that you fear you won’t get? This is in life, in a situation or from a relationship. What’s keeping you up at night? You get the idea. Again, dig deep be through.

Love Note: This is just information gathering. Don’t judge your answers as “good or bad.” If you do, be sure this trait is under the fear topic. Judgement and jumping to conclusions are examples of self defeating behavior and will NOT help you grow in self awareness, let alone relationships.

Review what you’ve written, and acknowledge yourself for committing time to better knowing you. Watch for my next blog when I’ll show you how to put what you’ve learned about yourself into action for YOUR benefit and others!

Feel free to reach out to me with questions or comments, or share your experience in the “thoughts” section.

Be well!

Time for A Brain Wash?

This is one of those mornings. Do you ever have them? “Those” mornings? It’s a morning when the committee in my head woke up before I did. As a matter of fact, they woke me up. They were standing at the end of my bed, shaking my foot. As soon as I woke up, they looked at me and said, “Oh, good! You’re up. We’ve got trouble.” The mental obsession began!

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Arthur Fletcher – Wikipedia

I couldn’t agree more. It often has me wondering if my squirrel cage of a mind that I often awaken to is a waste. Am I wasting my mind? Missing opportunities to deepen my understanding and learning? While the voices in my head try to convince me I making great use of my mental capacities, after all, I have big deals that need solving, I believe there is a better use of my mind. Actually, I know there is!

Problems cannot be solved with the same mind set that created them.”

Albert Einstein

When I spin out on thoughts, to-do lists, and resentments with others who are just “not doing it right,” they are like mental “episodes.” They come and go. Some are intense, some are almost unrecognizable. But they will get worse if I don’t address them. We all get caught in obsessive thinking. When it happens we can throw productivity and a chance to make a substantial contribution to our lives out the window. It’s impossible. We are being tossed like a Bounce fabric softener sheet in the spin cycle of a dryer. We only get more confused, more concerned, and more obsessed.

Like my laptop, my brain can overwork and ultimately begin to short-circuit. My mind needs me to click RESTART, so thoughts, synapses, and bodily nerves can reset. So how does the same crazy, squirrel cage of a mind that woke me up transition to one that can grow in self-awareness, understanding, and empathy for myself and others?

Scrub a dub dub, it’s time for a bath!

An old friend of mine, after joining a support group that some labeled a ‘cult,’ said it best, “I don’t care if they think this program is brainwashing. My brain needed washing!” WOW do I understand. When my mind has gotten clogged up with Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt (FUD like MUD), it’s time for a scrub. Just as we prepare our bodies for the day with a cleansing shower, our minds need to be cleansed and prepared as well.

The mind functions much better when we can allow space between our thoughts. It allows us detach from our thoughts and realize that we are not what we think, we are just “thinking.” Why? Because that is what brains do, among other things. The power of allowing space between our thoughts enables us to begin to place situations in their proper perspective once again. This is very valuable to the EQ practitioner who relies on their mind to process, explore and understand the intelligence their emotions bring to their life experiences. We must have a mind grounded and centered to effectively intuit the emotions of ourselves and others.

Wondering if your thinking has the best of you? Ask yourself, “Do I feel a sense of urgency?” If you do, and nobody is at risk of losing life or limb, then your mind has gotten the best of you.

Here are five things I practice when my brain needs washing:

  • Write. Yes, write. I don’t care if you aren’t a writer, or hate to write. Get a pen and paper, or keyboard if you must, and start recording all those crazy (or serious and concerning) thoughts. Write them down. There is real benefit that comes from completing a “brain dump.” It places these thoughts somewhere so they won’t be lost and we can come back to them. It alleviates the fear that we will forget something. It also helps to shift our perspective.
  • Share. One of my favorite tools for brain washing, is to check my thinking with a close friend. Not a friend who cosigns my own insane ideas, but someone who will help me prioritize my thinking, separate the true from the false, and reason things out. Bless you, my dear friends, for loving me in this way!
  • Focus on the breath. If you are sighing as you read this, then you REALLY need it. By moving into our bodies and becoming aware of our physical state, we must let go of the thoughts we are attached to, if only for a moment. And moments are all we have and all we need.
  • Listen with Anticipation. Shh! Did you hear that? When someone says that phrase to me, I stop what I’m doing, AND what I’m thinking. I go on alert, like a German Shephard, and my senses focus. I am still with anticipation. ..welcome to space. In that space, I have a break from my thinking. I am fully present, and I my mind is clear.
  • The Great Outdoors. Walk, hike, run, bike. The choice is yours. Focus on a sensory experience. While on your track around the block, listen for sounds. Ask yourself, what can I smell? What colors do I notice? What do my feet feel like in my shoes, or on the ground? Listen to your breath, the lawn mower, the airplane, the car, the snow plow, the rocks crunch, the rubber soul of your shoes gripping the asphalt… Keep it up… allows the senses to take over… the stress and the anxiety diminish.

Set a timer with each of these… no less than 10 minutes, and 15 to 30 minutes is ideal! Remember, you are WORTH it. When we prepare our minds, and support it throughout the day, we gain back energy that will be wasted by needless obsession.

Please share your comments and let me know your thought! Also, please share my post with others that might enjoy.

Be well!

The Impact of Emotional Intelligence to Business Growth

Telling a Private Equity firm that you “just have a good feeling” about your business idea is probably not going to get you the investment you need to grow your business. Emotions and their intelligence are not the only skill needed as we prepare to start an amazing business, deliver on our goals, or even achieve a lifelong dream. Still, high performing companies continue to show us that emotional intelligence remains a core skillset that is overlooked by mediocre businesses all over the world. Why is this?

People Drive Companies, and Emotions Drive People.

Everyone know that people drive companies.  Your people are your greatest asset, and you want them operating at peak performance to realize the business objectives of the company.  Whether it’s building an excellent customer experience in products and services, or serving up an positive experience with your partners, or attracting top talent, the ticket to success is how well your people perform.

So where do emotions enter in? Everywhere. You don’t have to look far to see how emotions are affecting your company’s performance. Just start with yourself. Think about a recent example when your emotions got the best of you.   Whether you lashed out in anger at a peer, had an overly defensive posture with a customer that you later lost sleep over, or found yourself shrinking like a violet when insecurity got the best of you during a spirited discussion. Each of us experience emotional responses as part of our human makeup.

I, too, have emotions crop up on a regular basis. I spent many years suppressing emotions as a female executive. There are many examples in my career when I worked harder at suppressing my feelings than just doing the job in front of me. With the “will to win” attitude instilled in my by my C-Suite father, I worked more at fitting in than risking sticking out. It worked really well for awhile, until those feelings caught up with me, as they will do.

Emotions catch up with everyone because they are a core part of our makeup. Brain science proves to us over and over again, that we have three layers of the brain that are programed to produce emotion based on sensory information, to provide us with a way to understand our circumstances. Those emotions then form thoughts, that lead us to use logic and reason to make decisions and act.

The Proof is in Emotional Intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence is not as simple as knowing that feelings impact our ability to reason. It also does mean that high performing companies allow emotions to run rampant in their corporate culture. Rather, emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, and to understand emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth. There are powerful factors, or competencies involved including self-awareness, self-management, social management, and relationship management.

It’s not IQ that leads to success… EQ is more important: emotional intelligence, social skills, how you relate, can you get things done. That’s what makes a difference, especially in management.

Jamie Dimon, President and CEO, JPMorgan Chase

Since the mid 1990’s scholars and scientists continue to show how companies that deliver operating models and programs focused on developing emotional intelligence in their teams and people, perform far better than those that don’t. In the Business Case for EQ, published by 6Seconds, the following studies yielded bottom-line results:

  • L’Oreal increased sales by $2.5 million after investing in high EQ sales people.
  • Sheraton Hotels helped to increase market share by 24% after completing an EQ initiative across the organization.
  • The US Air Force uses EQ to screen Pararescue Jumpers which resulted in a $190 million savings.

For more insights, check out: The Business Case for EQ and The Business Case for Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

In a ground-breaking study conducted by Langhorn [2003] at Whitbread in the UK, it was found that that the emotional intelligence of restaurant managers significantly impacts annual profit growth. Based on this study, the EQ factors found to be the best predictors of productivity include emotional Self-Awareness, Interpersonal Relationship skills, and Social Responsibility. t was also found that restaurants managed by managers with high emotional intelligence showed an annual profit growth of 22% versus an annual average growth of 15% for the same period.

E-Version (eiconsortium.org)

The Impact On Our Current and Future State

In today’s landscape, I believe there are a few factors we are facing in business that offer reason to invest in emotional intelligence methods in areas of leadership, sales, and operations.

  • Digital Innovation. The speed of innovation with AI and Machine Learning leaves many companies asking “where do people fit in?” I love the purpose statement of Accenture, LLC, an international consulting company: Deliver on the promise of technology and human ingenuity. Successful companies are solving for the ‘human experience” as much as the technical one. EQ helps leaders reimagine what it means to innovate, collaborate, and make a difference in this new landscape.
  • Leadership and Burnout. Articles are a mass about stress and burnout these days. High EQ leaders will have their tough days too, but what they have above others is practical skills to maintain balance and perspective amid uncertainty, fear, and doubt. They are the leaders that see the approaching burnout, and use their skills in self-awareness to take care of themselves, rejuvenate, and stay in the game. At the same time, they are able to actively listen, support, and motivate teams to collaborate and execute.
  • Remote Work. If you have a job in Corporate America, you most likely have had experience of what remote work looks like, at least for a time. Being able to work productively in teams, innovate, and motivate other to align on a shared goal, is hard enough in the office. EQ programs teach your people interpersonal skills to cope in times of stress by learning how to navigate emotions, pause vs. act, increase self-care to avoid burn out, empathize for the benefit of the team, and maintain a positive perspective to do their best work.

“A leader’s intelligence has to have a strong emotional component. He has to have high levels of self-awareness, maturity and self-control. She must be able to withstand the heat, handle setbacks and when those lucky moments arise, enjoy success with equal parts of joy and humility. No doubt emotional intelligence is more rare than book smarts, but my experience says it is actually more important in the making of a leader. You just can’t ignore it.”

JACK WELCH, CHAIRMAN OF GENERAL ELECTRIC
SPEAKING TO THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

Where To Begin?

Are you ready to take a few steps toward helping your company achieve some of the many benefits that emotional intelligence offers? Here are a few suggestions:

  1. EQ Assessments. Find out what you’re dealing with in your organization by investing in Emotional Intelligence assessment of your leadership team. One of the best assessments for business includes a 360 assessment, where the leader completes an assessment, and his or her peers, supervisor, and direct reports all provide input as well.
  2. Educate. Unlike IQ, emotional intelligence can be learned over time. Invest in EQ training for your organization to raise awareness and help other learn and begin to practice core skills in self-awareness, self-management, social-management and relationship management.
  3. Target Approach. Identify an area in your company that is struggling. If your sales are low, this might be a good place to start. If employee conflict and attrition is mounting in your product department, perhaps that is a great place to begin. Invest in a consulting and coaching program with a direct focus on improving performance.

I recommend Six Seconds (6seconds.org), as a credible resource. As a non-profit, they partner with organizations who help companies all over the world increase their performance. Global Network – Partner with an EQ Expert • Six Seconds (6seconds.org). Check out their client list here: Who are our Clients • Six Seconds (6seconds.org)

I’d love your thoughts on this article or any other. Feel free to reach out to me through my blog, or on LinkedIn!

Moving Through The “Spin Cycle”

Rinse. Repeat.  Rinse. Repeat. Do you ever feel like this is your life? 

My husband and I use a phrase around our home, “Dishes and Laundry.”  No matter how many loads we wash and dry, there are always more dishes to clean and laundry to wash.  It describes our frustration with the minutia of life; the boredom; the tedium; the “blahs.”  No matter how hard we work, there will always be more to do. 

Have you ever found yourself feeling flat, blah, on the verge of self-pity? And then you ask yourself “Why am I feeling this way?” You begin searching for a reason… you consider, say, dishes and laundry.  Yes!  Dishes and laundry.  THAT’s the problem. Then the obsession begins.  I’m the only one that does the dishes.  What would happen if I fell off the face of the earth?  Would anyone ever do a dish in this house?  And laundry.. oh, the piles of nasty, dirty clothes!  And another thing, and another thing,…

THIS is a case of mental obsession.

If we take away the dishes and laundry will that take away the boredom, tedium, and minutia?  Will fulfillment and contentment rush in?  Not likely.  More likely, we will find some other part of our life unsatisfactory to us.  Knowing me, I will shift from dishes and laundry to vacuuming, weed pulling… something ELSE to express my unsatisfaction.

Because that’s really what’s happening.

 I’m unsatisfied with my life. I’m bored, scared, lazy.

Dishes and laundry are, if you will, the hostage to my mental state.  What have dishes and laundry ever done to me?  I’m blessed to live in a home with running water, appliances that clean clothing and dishes, and to have food and family that require their use.  There is a great opportunity for gratitude!  But I have chosen to let them represent my boring, mundane, “never gonna get ahead” life. So what’s the answer?  

Acceptance.

Acceptance is acknowledging what is happening in any moment as the way it is.  AND acknowledging what it is NOT. Acceptance isn’t approval, support of or for something or someone.  It isn’t permission. It’s simply an acknowledgment of what is and what isn’t.  Just right now.

Here is a little exercise I learned from a friend of mine twenty-five years ago.  It goes like this:

  1. STOP what you’re doing whatever it is.. unless of course you’re driving 70 miles an hour down a freeway. In that case, pull over safely first. Put down your smart device.. okay, after you read the instructions. 
  2. Take three deep breaths.  I know, sometimes breathing is just an annoyance.. like THAT’s going to fix anything.  But do it anyway.  Breath draws your attention into your body, which we typically are not occupying if we are obsessing about something “out there.”
  3. Get present to your body. Feel your feet on the floor, your backside in a chair, your head on a pillow… observe the connection your body is making to the surface you are touching.  We are always touching something, even air. 
  4. Feel your heart beat.  Watch you chest and belly move with your breath.  Feel the temperature of the air against your skin.  This is life.  This is real. 
  5. Be still and present.  Notice there is no danger in this moment.
  6. Acknowledge that THIS is “right now.”
  7. Observe the thoughts you had earlier that were disturbing you.  See them for what they are… thoughts.
  8. Choose a higher thought.  A higher thought is a more positive thought.  For example, if I am rumbling about doing “dishes and laundry”.. I may change it to say, “I like my dishwasher.”

When you find yourself in the spin cycle of your mind try this on and let me know how it works!